Spot the Bully
I don’t often blog about my kids’ activities as I consider myself quite a private person. However, there are times when such activities could have a turn of events that become of general interest. In this blog post, and I tell you this as a parent, it is something that’s of interest to you.
My middle son recently joined a basketball league. Their team, who was in last place during the first round was fortunate enough to reach the finals. They played well, was actually leading up to the third quarter, but sadly, they did not win. At the awarding ceremony, we were very much elated that my son, not only was awarded as part of the mythical five, but he also received the Most Valuable Player (MVP) award. So, naturally, we told friends and family about it.
My husband posted a photo and narrative about it on his Facebook wall to which my son linked on his own Facebook wall. Many likes followed and some comments posted. But I was surprised by one comment who said “mvp ka nga nanalo ba kayo ng championship tiba dapat ikaw ang magdadala ng team” (You’re MVP but did your team win shouldn’t you bring your team to win).
Well, this brought a frown to my face, but then I dismissed it thinking of how some kids can speak rough at times but really don’t mean what they say. But that dismissal was reverted when I saw this posted on my son’s wall days before the finals game. It was a post, by the same boy, that said “talo kayo sa sat” (you’ll lose on sat)
Am I furious? Of course I am, as any parent would. Even more so, because I check on their computer activities regularly and this is the first time I’ve encountered unkind posts on my son’s Facebook wall.
To me, the behavior of this kid is an act of bullying. Kidshealth.org defines bullying as “intentional tormenting in physical, verbal, or psychological ways”. First was his post to my son before the game (to intimidate) and to follow it up with another message after the game (to mock).
Bullying is more often done verbally and psychologically than physical. It can be hurtful to more than others, like those who are more sensitive (worse, with a sensitive parent!). Common would be to attack one’s physical attributes and another is to attack one’s character (as what happened here).
My son would probably take this lightly and might even think that I’ve gone overboard. He may not even realize the bad behavior but if he becomes a constant recipient of such behavior, it will all sink in to him in time until it’s too late and he’s left with a poor self-esteem.
So, what am I going to do?
1. I will talk to my kids again about the realities of bullying, especially cyber-bullying. There could be be more encounters like this to happen in the future. I think a constant discussion about this would be good for them to know not to be bullies and not to be bullied.
2. I will give my son the decision to delete the nasty posts or not. He will absolutely be discouraged to retaliate with a nasty remark. I would want him to let it be but with a knowledge that what was done to him was wrong and is not to be repeated to him or by him.
3. I do not know this boy nor his parents. I found out more information about this boy from my son which proved that the motive of the boy was to mock indeed and was not sour-graping. I will not seek his parents out. If fate introduces us in the future then I may mention it. I will, however, keep him in mind and check if more messages of this type are left.
4. I will find the mother of the other boy who called the attention of the bully and give my appreciation for what her son did.
5. I will pray that I’m mistaken about this boy, that this is just a one time incident and that he’s not a bully but a boy with an odd sense of humor.
I am not a psychologist nor can I say that I am an authority to make lectures about bullying. However, there a two very common sayings, overused and corny as it seems, but when always kept in mind is actually effective in preventing a bullying attitude.
1. If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.
2. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
So, let’s all do our part as parents and instill these to our children. Let’s remove the bullies by having no bullies of our own. Lastly, please support all the No-Bullying campaigns in your child’s school.
Note: My son has given me permission to take a screenshot of portions of his Facebook wall.
Read up on bullying at these sites –
Bullying.org – http://www.bullying.org/
Kidshealth.org – http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/bullies.html
Kidscape.org – http://www.kidscape.org.uk
Childline.org – http://www.childline.org.uk
Para Sa Mga Bata Citizens Network – http://parasamgabata.org/
Anti-Bullying Campaign – http://www.facebook.com/pages/Anti-Bullying-Campaign-Philippines/242640089095976
Web Safety Philippines – http://websafetyforparents.org